Choose a Healthy Marriage Relationship
Making choices is one of the God-given responsibilities of every human being and a primary ingredient for a good and healthy marriage.
We make thousands of choices every day without realizing it, but we also miss out on hundreds more
that could have a positive impact on our lives. We miss them because we are not aware of them; or we are confuse about what happens by choice and what happens by chance; or we are afraid to make a choice because of the possible consequences. There are many reasons we do not make important choices.
Unfortunately, when we avoid making conscious choices, we have in effect made a choice to keep our relationship as it is.
Avoidance is acceptance.
Acceptance insures our marriage will stay the same, and there is no chance for change! Even if we choose to maintain a relationship as it is, it is healthier if this is a conscious choice rather than the result of avoiding a decision.
The state of our marriage today, is a result of the choices we have made since our marriage began. Through our choices we create and maintain the marriage relationship we desire. Either our marriage relationship is the way we really want it to be or it is what we have settled for. Whether or not we are satisfied with our marriage, we have chosen the quality of our relationship by our past decisions.
How do we make better choices?
We cannot actively make choices until we recognize the areas of life in which we have opportunities to choose. Research indicates that what we say, how we feel, what we think<,and how we act are all choices. When we're aware that we have control over so many choices, the discouragement we have felt in the past about our marital relationship can be replaced with hope.
We can choose to be different!
In our marriage relationship we have the power to make harmful choices that damage the marriage, or healthy choices that encourage the development of a better relationship. Harmful choices include not listening, disrespecting or breaking our agreements, and abusing each other physically or verbally. Healthy choices include encouraging, helping with a task, being thoughtful, or demonstrating affection. It is important to increase the frequency of healthy choices and to eliminate harmful choices.
We can enrich our marriage by choosing love and respect, by choosing to be assertive, by choosing how we speak to one another, by choosing how we think about our partner.
Here are some of the choices we will want to consider if we want our marriage to become richer and stronger.
Choose to be caring for our mate.
Choose to be more assertive (not passive or aggressive), speak the truth in love.
Choose our words carefully when we speak, especially when we are hurt or angry.
Choose our thoughts about our mate.
Choose how we want to behave with our mate.
We are not powerless in our relationship. We must accept the power we have by making good choices.
Larry McElvain, Founder, Discovery Counseling Center
November 2, 2020